


In Which Mrs. Barnes and Mrs. Rogers Have a Mature, Dignified Discussion About the Elevator Story

by darth_stitch



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Humor, M/M, Mrs Rogers & Mrs Barnes, Protective Bucky Barnes, The Elevator Story, Tony's Babies Are Growing Up, tony stark - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-18
Updated: 2015-03-18
Packaged: 2018-03-18 10:59:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3567179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darth_stitch/pseuds/darth_stitch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I’m looking for a punk - 6 foot 2, eyes of blue, blonde hair, ridiculous jawline, has a tendency to hide the fact that he’s walking wounded - physically and mentally - and an especially aggravating tendency to give me a heart attack. <strike>It’s a goddamn miracle I haven’t gotten any gray hairs yet.  Or maybe it’s this fucking bastard Zola serum.</strike>  Occasionally, he is five foot odd NOT ADORABLE IN THE GODDAMN LEAST, skinny and STILL LIVES TO GIVE ME A HEART ATTACK. </p>
<p>I would appreciate it very much if any of you can point me in his general direction as he and I have a long overdue discussion about the general wisdom of jumping out of elevators from hundred-story buildings, jumping off helicarriers and trusting to equally nutty friends with fucking wings to catch him, suicidal plane crashings in the Arctic Circle and basically everything to do with a general lack of fucking. self. preservation.</p>
<p>So yeah, please let me know if you’ve seen Steven Grant Rogers. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>  <strike>I’m going to kick his ass and then kiss the life outta him.</strike></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Thanks,</p>
<p>Bucky Barnes</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Which Mrs. Barnes and Mrs. Rogers Have a Mature, Dignified Discussion About the Elevator Story

Because _nobody_ in this century apparently understands the meaning of “Please shut up about things that are none of your damn business” - Bucky found out about the Elevator Story.

Apparently, the security footage of Steve beating the tar out of Rumlow and his STRIKE team was among the things that got leaked to the Internet when Natasha uploaded everything online.  For reasons that still escaped Steve, the damn thing went viral.  It even got repeatedly giffed on Tumblr.

Commentary such as _I totally had inappropriate reactions watching that video_ (thank you, Darcy) was the usual norm and Steve _really_ tried not to think too hard about that but then it eventually got back to Bucky.

There was a reason why _Rule #41 - Don’t piss off Mrs. Rogers_ \- applied to Steve too.  _Especially_ to Steve.

"An elevator.  Sixty floors high." 

"Sixty sounds a bit excessive.  I think it was a little less than that."

"You jumped out.  Of a fucking elevator.  A hundred floors high.  And trusted that the motherfucking _shield_ would take the brunt of an impact that should, _rightfully,_ _have broken all the bones in your body - ”_

"Bucky, baby - "

" — no wait, aside from the broken bones, it should have _fucking killed you._ And don’t call me baby to distract me!”

"It wasn’t a hundred floors?"

"STEVEN GRANT ROGERS!"

A strategic _retreat_ and _regroup_ was in order.  Because contrary to popular (read: _Bucky)_ opinion, Steve _did_ have a sense of self-preservation.  

* * *

Of course, Bucky was an _excellent_ hunter and because the majority of sane, sensible people in the world agreed with his mission of _Protect Steve Rogers_ , it didn't take him long until he was pointed towards the general direction of Hawkeye. Clint apparently had some clue where Steve hid himself.

For the record, Bucky did not torture the information he needed out of Clint Barton.

Well, not much anyway.

He’d left the other team sniper gasping and holding on to his sides and grumbling about too-observant not-Russian ex-assassins who would _know_ all of a man’s tickle spots but Bucky had gotten what he needed and Nat would be suitably reassured that _he_ did not break her own trouble-magnet punk. 

He shouldn’t have been surprised at what Barton said anyway.

Steve was in Tony’s lab. 

Tony was not there.

So, once upon a time, Tony made the terrible, horrible, no-good mistake of introducing Steve and Bucky to Dum-E, You and Butterfingers.  “Science!” he said, flailing happily.  Tony had been gratified to learn that Bucky had been a bit of a science nerd back in the day.  

What Tony did _not_ expect was that Dum-E and Butterfingers would promptly have massive crushes on _Bucky_ (the two ‘bots would promptly vie for Bucky’s attention whenever he was in Tony’s lab, waving happily at Bucky’s metal arm - which was now pure Stark Tech) and  _You_ would claim dibs on Team Steve.  To his complete horror, Tony would also discover that JARVIS had a crush on Steve too. 

The billionaire genius playboy philanthropist was _not_ ready for his AI and his robots to enter the equivalent of human puberty.  Tony promptly had kittens, flailed and poured out his woes to Pepper, who did not help by laughing at him, pressing a kiss on his head and gently telling him that maybe it was time to have the “birds and the bees” talk with his babies.

"You’re _evil_ , woman!” was Tony’s reaction.

"Everybody had crushes on Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes at one point in their lives, sweetie.  The kids will get over it."

Tony would really rather that the kids “get over their Steve and Bucky crushes” sooner but hey, it could’ve been worse.  The ‘bots could’ve gone and crushed on _somebody worse_ , though he was relatively sure his children had better taste than to crush on somebody like the Biebs.  Orlando, maybe, which was a lot better.  And Tony _knew_ JARVIS originally had a crush on that guy who played Thorin Oakenshield in the Hobbit movies.   

But anyway, JARVIS willingly let Bucky in and he found Steve, with sketchpad and art materials in hand, sharing a blanket fort with Dum-E, Butterfingers and an adoring You. 

Bucky sat down next to his idiot punk, who was, of course, drawing the ‘bots helping Tony.  He was paying special attention to You’s new tiara, which Steve had actually made for the ‘bot himself. 

"Tactically speaking, it _was_ the best option you had, given that their next orders were probably to use lethal force on you and that you had a better chance of survival for that drop with the serum and the shield to take the force of that fall,” Bucky observed quietly.

"Yeah."

"You could have used lethal force on those agents if you had to fight your way through, but I’d say you weren’t sure if these guys were just compromised and forced to follow orders or were more like Rumlow and his STRIKE team."

"That was another thing to consider, yes. At least until we learned HYDRA had already infiltrated SHIELD a lot later."

"So what really burns me is the fact that you apparently have been walking around with a death wish.  Because, you know, after the thing with the elevator, there was the fact that you actually put down the plane in the Arctic like _days after_ you lost me and the fact that you _threw_ down the fucking shield during our fight in the helicarrier and I guess I’ve been so much in a mess in my own head that it didn’t quite sink in, until now.  But it has.”

Steve stilled.

Butterfingers whirred worriedly at Bucky.  Dum-E tried to bring them whatever sludge it thought that Tony lived on, but Bucky gently patted both ‘bots and waved them away. 

"It doesn’t matter," Steve said at last, putting sketchbook and pencil away.  He drew his knees up to his chest, looking very much like the tiny, asthmatic kid he had been, hands clenching and unclenching on the fabric of his sweatpants.  "You’re back, now.  It’s all okay."

"No, it really isn’t." Bucky reached out, put a hand over Steve’s wrist, rubbing gently.  "Our lives are generally FUBAR, Steve.  I need to know that you’re not going to — "

"I was nineteen and I’d gotten the worst bout of pneumonia yet and Father Ryan pretty much gave me the Last Rites and it was just a matter of waiting for me to draw my last breath," Steve interrupted.  "I remember you crawling into bed with me and telling me that I had two choices - I could get better or I could go and you were coming after me and nothing was going to stop you, so help you God."  Blue eyes were fierce, locked on his own.  "So don’t you dare, don’t you _dare - “_

He wasn’t sure how it happened but between one moment and the next he was kissing Steve.  It was awkward as all hell, all tongues and clashing teeth, and it was less a kiss than an argument played out with every nip.  So Bucky cradled Steve’s face in his hands, slowed down, made it gentle, made it tender and it was when he’d begun to taste salt, that was when he moved to gently caress and kiss each of Steve’s tears away. 

"We’re both fucking idiots," Bucky breathed against the skin of his neck, a hand gently running through the short blonde hair. 

"That I’m not arguing with."

"And your head’s as much of a mess as mine is and I’m sorry if I’ve forgotten that." 

"Bucky, no, I’m sorry - "

"Bucky, _yes_ and don’t be sorry about it, you goddamn punk.  You’re so good at pulling people together to help save the world, you gotta learn that we’re also there to help save _you_.”  Bucky pressed careful kisses again to his pulse, the line of his jaw, that nose, before he rested his forehead against Steve’s own, let them both share breath.  

Steve smiled and it was the smile that Bucky hated, that little, quiet smile that he only ever made when he was feeling his saddest. 

"I’m a mess and you help me.  You gotta let _me_ help you.  Let the rest of us help you too.  You ain’t a burden, not an obligation, not a duty.  You’re _mine_.  You’re _ours._ You’re family.  That’s what you told me too.  It goes both ways.  All right?”

"Yes, sir, sergeant, sir." There was an edge of mischief now in that smile, which was a lot better. 

"Don’t sass me, Captain."

"Ain’t sassing!"

You gently patted Steve on the shoulder, princess tiara wobbling dangerously on what should be the ‘bot’s head until Steve balanced it out. 

The two of them decided to cuddle just a bit longer in their Blanket Fort, surrounded with the ‘bots for company.  Steve buried his nose in Bucky’s neck and just for a while, they just let themselves _be._

They’d make it up to Tony and let him have his kittens later.

_\- end -_

 

 

**Author's Note:**

>  **Note:** Sometimes, we all forget that it’s the ones who smile the most, the ones who seem the strongest, who need help too. 
> 
> The original set of posts that comprised this ridiculousness are all here on [The Blanket Fort](http://darthstitch.tumblr.com/tagged/the-elevator-story)


End file.
